Self Coaching

If you're preparing for something important, like a job interview, you can coach yourself to perform better. Here's a really simple resource that you can use to decide what you're good at and what skills you want to develop through your career.

Part One

First, think of a few times - between six and ten - when you have been in a specific work situation where someone has really impressed you or you have learnt something very valuable or powerful. Perhaps you can think of times when you could clearly see that a customer was really valuing your help, or when a colleague was doing something really skillful yet making it look easy.

Write down a list of these times. You don't need to write a full description, only something that will remind you of the specific experience.

Next, allow yourself to really daydream into each of these memories and relive each experience as if it is happening to you right now. As you watch the events, notice what the person in question is doing. Pay specific attention to how they look and how they sound. At first, you may be tempted to think of words like 'confident' or 'calm'. Resist this temptation - you must notice only what you see, hear and feel. Notice how they sit, how they breathe, how they use their eyes and facial expression and how they use their tone of voice. Notice as much as you can and then write down the points that seem most important to you, or that coincide with a turning point in the meeting.

Now that you have a full list, collect together all the common elements. Collect up all the specific behaviours that are important in this list and get redy to daydream again.

Imagine yourself in a future situation, doing a job that is your dream job or that is perhaps a stretch for you right now in terms of career progression. You could even imagine yourself doing something that you really want to do but that is beyond your current capabilty.

As you build the experience, add in all the elements from your list. Hear yourself with the tone of voice that you noticed, saying the kinds of things that really made a difference. Imagine yourself from someone else's perspective and see yourself doing the things on your list. Lastly, notice how it feels, and how that feeling changes throughout the experience.

Repeat this last part several times, in different places or at different times. If you like, you can even run a series of daydreams at intervals along your career path, with a different job in each daydream.

Finally, run a new daydream of your interview using everything that you have learned so far.

Part Two

Make a new list of people that you don't like or that you have little respect for. Perhaps there are people who have done things that you don't approve of. Get all of that bad feeling out of your head and onto the paper.

Next, remember a specifc time when you were in a situation with each of the people on the list.

Iimagine yourself as a completely neutral bystander and for each situation on the list, ask yourself this question:

"What experience, beliefs, thoughts or skills must this person have in order for this behaviour to be the best choice they can make at this moment?"

When you have an answer to that question and have written it on your list, ask yourself this question:

"What outcome must this person be aiming for that would make this behaviour a good choice?"

And so you can update your list with the answer to these questions for each person listed.

Next, create two new lists from this original list. Create a list of just the outcomes, behaviours and anything you have learned from the exercise one one piece of paper. On a second piece of paper, list out the people, situations or your objections or feelings. Take this second list and look at it closely - let those feelings build up. Now tear it up and throw it away.

What you're left with is a list of ways that you could achieve particular outcomes but that you choose not to use right now. Perhaps in some way or in some place and time, these behaviours may be useful for achieving a particular outcome. What will make you successful is having a range of behaviour to choose from, not just one way to behave, even though you currently believe it is 'the right way'.

Part Three

Take your two lists, which now represent "things that you admire about yourself and can do well" and "things that you could do if you wanted, but normally choose not to"

Create a new series of daydreams incorporating everything you have learned from your two lists. These daydreams can be new work situations or interviews, or any other experience that will be useful. Notice how good it feels to have this wide repertoire of behaviour to choose from, and notice how that enables you to achieve things that you could not have dreamt of before. Notice how your future changes now that you can make better choices about it. Notice how your future is yours to create.

As Willy Wonka said, "We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams"