Think about two people who are in rapport. Can you see two people now who are in rapport? What do you notice about them?

Is rapport something that happens actively or passively? Do we get on with people because we have rapport, or do we have rapport because we get on with people? Is it a circular process - reinforcing itself?

Rapport can be tested and also created by matching of someone's:

Body posture
Voice rhythm and intonation
Facial expression
Common experience
Values
Beliefs

Keep an eye out for people who are in rapport and notice more things that they have in common. Try it yourself - when you're talking to people try matching different aspects from the list above. Try mismatching them too, and notice what happens - notice how you feel about what they're saying and how it changes if you match or mismatch.

Watch interviews on the TV and notice what happens. You could watch out for the things that "confrontational" interviewers do - notice how much eye contact they make with their subject - or when they make eye contact in the case of Jeremy Paxman. Watch chat shows too....notice the pacing of experience that Michael Parkinson does, for example - it borders on hypnosis and age regression!

We did an experiment in a workshop recently where we matched only parts of the body and we found that matching the lower half - legs, feet etc. - made more difference. Try it out for yourself, maybe on a train or in a meeting.

Do you always want to be in rapport with someone? Is it a good idea to choose not to be in rapport? Consider talking to someone who is depressed - do you want to get depressed too? Is that helpful to them? Would you be more or less help to them if you stayed positive? As a general rule, you will be much more helpful to other people if you maintain a resourceful state yourself. Consider teaching a child to swim. At the point at which they have learned all the basics, they will swim along the side of the pool, occasionally reaching out to touch it even though they don't need to. In this situation, your job is not the swimming teacher - your job is to be the side of the pool.

So, rapport in this situation is something to be aware of, and you will be more effective when you realise that rapport is not always automatic, and not always helpful.

In our workshops, we often run an exercise in pairs where we test rapport in various communication channels. You can try this out for yourself:

Match body posture in as much detail as you can notice, then talk about a subject you are an expert on. When in full flow, suddenly mismatch your posture and notice what happens.

Match body posture in as much detail as you can notice, then talk about a subject you are a disagree on. You could simply pick contrary statements to defend e.g "it's a nice day" versus "it's a cold day"

Mismatch body posture - make it as opposite as possible - then talk about a subject you agree on.

Notice how you feel during these exercises.

Have someone speak a short phrase and copy it back to them....match pace, volume, intonation, pitch etc. The other person coaches you, helping you to get the vocal qualities right. Notice what happens when you get it right.

So, overall, what's the message about rapport? Should you artifically match someone in order to gain their trust? Absolutley not! In fact, matching someone on purpose when you don't have their trust is likely to make them trust you less. Here's our rule of thumb for rapport:

Forget about it.

If you're ever in a situation where communication seems strained or difficult, or you feel uncomfortable, stop and check the level of rapport as it can be a very useful barometer for the state of the relationship, and it can provide useful information for you to do something about it.